In the Dorm
by jadoremwpp
Summary: Got a few minutes to fill? Love the Marauders? This little conversation is right before the boys retire to sleep, a humorous look at what might take place in their dorm every night. All Dialogue. OneShot.


_Disclaimer: Nothing is mine. Not even this full stop ---- ._

_Authors notes : I just love writing MWPP together and that is pretty much all I need to say to explain this piece. MWPP are love. And just imagine them living together, wouldn't it be magic?_

"Pass the chocolate, Moony."

"You've already had more than the rest of us combined, you mutt."

"Why, thank you. I take great pride in my mutty-ness. But I'm still hungry."

"Give it to _me_, Moonykins. You always say I need fattening up."

"You'll just give it to Sirius, Prongs. Don't think I can't see through your little schemes."

"Yes, mother."

"Oh, sod off."

"Give it to _me_!"

"Pete, you've still got a piece in your hand."

"Never know when a boy might need more, though."

"I'll finish it."

"_Finish it_, Moony? I knew you had a ulterior motive! Now you can never call me selfish when I steal your pillows!"

"Sirius, there is one row left, it's not that big a deal. I think one row of chocolate compared to a whole night of uncomfortable, restless sleep –"

"But since I asked first…"

"Too late."

"Prongsie! He stole our chocolate! All hands to the ready and ATTACK!"

"Padfoot, I didn't want the chocolate. There is no _our _chocolate."

"Wormtail! Aid me in my courageous quest to conquer the Monster Moony."

"What will you give me?"

"You know, it could say you were discriminating against my state by calling me a monster."

"Huh?"

"Well-"

"Don't get him started on werewolf rights, Pads."

"Tais-toi, my little werewolf Moony cub."

"I wasn't going to say a word."

"Ha, ha, right."

"You and your furry little problem. 'Twill be the death of us."

"You know, whenever you say 'furry little problem', Prongs, I think of a furry di-"

"Keep your dirty mind to yourself!"

"Ewww. That is wrong, Pad."

"Can we _not _talk about my monthlies."

"Monthlies?"

"Ah ha! Suddenly it all makes sense! _That's_ how you get into the girls dorm so easily!"

"I do not get into the-"

"Yeh, right, whatever…"

"Hey, Moony?"

"What?"

"Do werewolves have doodles?"

"What the fuck?"

"Mon Dieu! He swore! Did you hear that, Prongs, Wormtail? He _swore_!"

"Hey, Wormtail, can you get high on chocolate?"

"Huh? Why?"

"I think it's happened to our Sirius."

"Isn't he always like this?"

"Oh, but how I try to forget that little detail and thus keep my sanity."

"You know you love me. And my hair."

"It always comes back to your hair."

"Well, it is rather nice hair, don't you think?"

"No."

"You're just jealous because mine lies flat to perfection."

"Ah ha."

"And when I dance how it does those little flips…"

"Padfoot, somebody needs to record you dancing and show you. You look like a total retard."

"Thanks, Pete, my man. Always good to have friends in this cruel world."

"Anytime."

"Where's James?"

"I don't know. Emptying the old bladder?"

"Perving on Evans?"

"Right under the bed because he dropped his hot water bottle?"

"Oh, there you are."

"You have a hot water bottle?"

"Yeh, it's snazzy."

"Can't you just, charm your bed or something?"

"Authenticity, Wormtail. And it is charmed, the water bottle, to last all night. Oh, and I found someone's quill."

"Mine."

"How many quills have you lost now, Padfoot?"

"Since the beginning of this year? 40 or so. Lucky for good old Uncle Algie or I'd be stone broke."

"Lucky you can live at my place in the holidays now or you'd have to rent an apartment and be even more broke."

"I'm one lucky guy, I guess."

"Moony, you awake?"

"Now I am."

"You can't go to sleep! We're just getting started!"

"You don't have Prefect Meetings. They drain you, fellas."

"Your own fault for following rules."

"Oy! Padfoot! Off my bed now!"

"But I want your hot water bottle's warmth!"

"Make your own."

"I can't be botherrred."

"Well, stop wiggling."

"I hate it when he does that!"

"What?"

"You fidget!"

"I do not."

"Do too."

"Not."

"Too."

"Not."

"Can somebody find their brains for them?"

"Already on it, Moonykins."

"Who beat _all_ of you on the last Arithmancy test?"

"I'm not saying you don't have a brain, Pad, just that you don't often use it."

"Arithmancy is shite, anyway."

"I'm not even quite sure what Arithmancy is, yet."

"You wouldn't be, Wormtail. We told you not to do it."

"Hey, I made N.E.W.T. level."

"Without understanding a word."

"Granted, but I still made it."

"Can we talk about something other than school? We bloody live at school, the least we can do is try and ignore the fact."

"You know you love living with us, Jamie."

"Yes, Sirius. I love sleeping in the same bed as an incessant twitcher every second night because he can't be bothered to make himself a hot water bottle."

"Me too."

"He sleeps in your bed _every second night_? Is there something you're not telling us?"

"Yep, we're eloping tomorrow. Well be back after the honeymoon."

"How I love thee, my Sirius, my dove, my love."

"Oh Jamie, mon cher, my bear."

"Sirius! My sky, my pie!"

"Ok, lovebirds, save it for the bedroom."

"This _is_ their bedroom, Remus."

"Damn that. Why'd we get stuck with them, Wormtail?"

"It was a most unfortunate decision."

"That's what happens when you leave things like this to a hat."

"I'm hungry."

"You're always hungry, Pete."

"I'm hungry, too."

"Same for you."

"I wouldn't mind a snack."

"Well, whichever one of you is willing to sneak off to the kitchens in the cold, dark night, feel free."

"Will you go for us, mother?"

"I'd prefer to drown, to tell you the truth."

"We'll just starve then. May it be on your conscience."

"I assure you I'll make sure the funeral is touching."

"De da de da dum de da."

"Who's humming?"

"Sirius."

"James."

"James only hums when he's serenading Evans and he can't remember all the song."

"My humming is most romantic, I'll have you know. And that was once. I don't like Evans anymore."

"Just like we don't need air to live."

"It's true! I like that Hufflepuff girl with the blonde hair."

"And the bust?"

"So I'm not the only one who noticed it?"

"A pitiful substitute, James."

"No! I really do like her!"

"You're just trying to get over Lily. We all know it. See our knowing glares."

"She is a bit predictable, mate."

"What do you mean, Moony?"

"Well, it's obvious you've chosen the girl who you think is most easy to like – pretty, bubbly, flirtatious – and are trying to replace Evans with her."

"Shrink."

"Wormtail's asleep."

"Oooh! Shoddy poking him awake!"

"I think he's got the right idea. It's a school night, after all."

"Yes, mother."

"Whatever you say, mother."

"I'll be joining him, then. We have double Transfiguration tomorrow and I don't fancy facing it tired."

"Old bore."

"Good night."

"Alright, Padfoot, move to your own bed, I won't put up with you kicking me all night."

"Pads?"

"I know you're awake."

"Please?"

"You can't fool me with those _fake _snores."

"Padfoot! It's a small bed!"

"You've got to the count of three."

"1."

"2."

"Oh, stuff it. Night everyone."

"Night, Prongs. Don't let the bed bugs bite."

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